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This Mean Disease: Growing Up in the Shadow of My Mother's Anorexia Nervosa, by Daniel Becker
Download This Mean Disease: Growing Up in the Shadow of My Mother's Anorexia Nervosa, by Daniel Becker
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Review
"An intimate peek at a rarely told story: what it means to grow up with an anorexic mother." -- Judith Ruskay-Rabinor, author of A Starving Madness"Daniel Becker reveals what I wanted to scream when I was trapped in my own dark silence—it’s not about food!" -- Jenni Schaefer, author of Life Without Ed"The only story told by the son of a mother with anorexia nervosa. The silence surrounding her illness is chilling." -- Richard Gordon, author of Eating Disorders: Anatomy of a Social Epidemic
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Product details
Paperback: 192 pages
Publisher: Gurze Books (August 15, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0936077506
ISBN-13: 978-0936077505
Product Dimensions:
6.2 x 0.8 x 9.2 inches
Shipping Weight: 7.2 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.5 out of 5 stars
13 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#884,644 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This is the first straight-out memoir I have read, and as such, I feel kind of weird rating someone's life. However, I have nothing negative to say about Becker's well-written piece. His story is interesting, making a compelling book, and he did well at avoiding unnecessary details (something I feel would be difficult when recounting one's entire life), keeping This Mean Disease short and easily comprehensible, but still beautifully written. The simplicity of the writing keeps the memoir from pulling too hard at our heartstrings or wrenching us apart into pieces, as many depressing books do. Becker does not try to elicit our sympathy, but rather seems to have set out to tell us his story and allow us to view it objectively and make of it as we may, a method I found beneficial to the telling. The story on its own is heart-wrenching enough. Thus, despite the lack of vivid descriptions, it is not difficult to get into the story and understand what Becker went through. Though most people cannot easily relate to the story as a whole--even at the time, with so few recognized cases of anorexia nervosa, most patients were teenagers or young adults, not mothers of three in their 30s, 40s or 50s--we can understand why Becker felt the way he felt at different stages of his life.What makes this book all the more interesting for me, however, is that I know Daniel Becker as he is now. He was my teacher in high school, and I still talk to him frequently when I go back to visit. He is always cheerful, very smart, and a great person to go to for advice. I could never have guessed that he grew up with so much misery and pain, but I respect him all the more now that I know, and for being able to tell his story.Becker's story is unique, honest, beautiful, and haunting, and this review certainly does not do it justice. I feel in a way privileged to have gotten to see into this part of Becker's life.
This is a heartwrenching tale of a young boy whose mother, suffering from a then-rare disease called anorexia, spent literally years institutionalized with her illness. As a result, the author, Daniel, never formed the appropriate bonds with her and other members of his family. The focus was always on his mother and her illness, which no one understood. While I found Daniel's perspective interesting and touching (and often agonizing), I was left wanting to get into the Mother's mind (as much as that would have been possible), and into the heart of her history with anorexia to understand more about why she succumbed to this baffling disease. Luckily, great strides have been made both in psychiatry and in eating disorder treatment since Daniel's mother was in "treatment". While this is a good read for anyone who has a loved one suffering from anorexia, it is frustratingly sparse in any explanations for the etiology of this women's disorder, focusing instead on the devastating effects on the immediate family. If you are an ED sufferer, read with caution...this tale is very guilt-inducing. Although, as one commenter pointed out, guilt in this case may not be such a negative thing.
For everyone suffering from eating disorders or knows someone, this is a very important book to read. I am an eating disorder psychotherapist and am always looking for books for clients to read that are meaningful and written in ways that help them and this is that book. In addition, few books are written by men and Mr. Becker's perspective helps the reader understand the total devastation that eating disorders create. The book engages you immediately and is hard to put down. It is well written with empathy and thoughtfulness. I highly recommend this book.
This was an incredibly moving and easy read. For anyone who is the child of an adult with an eating disorder or this is such a comforting memoir. There is no blame, no shame, or any of the negative experiences often spewed in memoirs. It is a sad and touching tribute to the pain of growing up with the parent stricken with an eating disorder.
I read this book back in 2007. What I read certainly rings true with my experience as a daughter who at age 10 lost her mother to anorexia when she was 52 years old. Most of the books on anorexia seem to focus on the one with the disease. The impact on the family is devastating. My father, brother and I suffered greatly also. Her disease became the focus of our lives. A therapist once pointed out to me how much control my mother had over our family. This was a new idea to me as I had always perceived her as being weak. My mother was hospitalized several times -- the longest being about 2 years. My brother and I had to be placed in a group home during that time as relatives who had helped out in the past were no longer able to do so. It is true that no amount of reasoning, begging, or angry threats will change the anorexics behavior. In fact, it may aggravate it. The family is left wondering what else to do. I know that today there is a much better understanding of this condition than back in the fifties and I believe new more effective treatment options exist. The family needs help every bit as much as the person with anorexia. Groups like Al-Anon or other recovery groups may be helpful for family members and other loved ones. I've actually come across a group called Eating Disorders Anonymous ([...]).I've found a Christian recovery group called Celebrate Recovery (based on 12-steps) to be helpful for me. Ultimately, one has to let go of the other person. This is not to say that you sever ties with them or stop loving and caring or that you even stop seeking help (when person is open to it). It just means that you let go of the outcome and recognize your inability to control the other person. The survivor needs to forgive and let go of the anger and focus on their own life and recovery. By the grace of God, I've never suffered from anorexia or any other eating disorder, but have suffered but am well on the way to recovery from toxic effects.
We are fostering the daughter of a friend fighting anorexia. Carol and our friend have the same mannerisms, parent alike, and Daniels anger and guilt I see in this child. Very insightful!
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